I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You pole danced in your parka.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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