i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
