Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
