i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
