Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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