I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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