omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
