I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
