I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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