girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
