I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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