4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
