Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
