You're completely useless in the revolution.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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