i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
