just come out here and I will go home with you...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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