We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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