did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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