No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
