Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
