next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
