You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
