you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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