I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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