Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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