Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize