I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
