dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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