I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
