ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
