Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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