I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize