all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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