Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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