i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Houston, we have a blender
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
