I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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