Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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