Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
