And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
