matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
