I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
my liver is dry heaving
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