Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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