Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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