Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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