Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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