Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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