dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize