So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
