Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.

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  (512): Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks. http://tfl.nu/o3m2
  Replies (13) Good night (662) Bad night (3468)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face

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  (832): She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face http://tfl.nu/40gf
  Replies (23) Good night (1155) Bad night (4626)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

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  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (29) Good night (2139) Bad night (6973)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  One less school supply you need to buy!!

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  (443): Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!! (860): One less school supply you need to buy!! http://tfl.nu/u0z5
  Replies (25) Good night (5423) Bad night (1351)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out

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  (508): That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out http://tfl.nu/67gz
  Replies (3) Good night (3400) Bad night (1059)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.

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  (757): Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete. http://tfl.nu/0fk8
  Replies (4) Good night (2959) Bad night (827)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.

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  (973): I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/b0w0
  Replies (4) Good night (2588) Bad night (1320)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?

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  (602): I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!? http://tfl.nu/p185
  Replies (8) Good night (1021) Bad night (2369)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.

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  (216): Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it. http://tfl.nu/vbdo
  Replies (3) Good night (1137) Bad night (836)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.

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  (218): After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house. http://tfl.nu/210e
  Replies (4) Good night (1185) Bad night (620)
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  (631): View more from New York

  My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.

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  (631): My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did. http://tfl.nu/km7t
  Replies (3) Good night (1624) Bad night (1230)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...

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  (480): Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch... http://tfl.nu/farg
  Replies (4) Good night (435) Bad night (879)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?

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  (803): How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist? http://tfl.nu/6lhn
  Replies (5) Good night (683) Bad night (395)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex

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  (615): and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!" (615): which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex http://tfl.nu/lioz
  Replies (0) Good night (309) Bad night (552)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.

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  (717): The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems. http://tfl.nu/03p0
  Replies (3) Good night (397) Bad night (261)

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