whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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