You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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