Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
