you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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