You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
