Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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