I want to walk on stilts...naked
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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